holding you
by Chelleybell
Summary: Will Clarke stop running from her true feelings for Bellamy? Will Bellamy tell Clarke the truth or be to scared? Will Octavia forgive Bellamy for Lincoln's death? Will they save their people from Alie? Will Pike give the grounders justice? or will they seek the rest of the skaikru, who slaughtered their people?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Clarke's POV

I haven't let myself feel for another guy again. After everything that happened between Finn and I, I just couldn't, Lexa was an escape I needed. That didn't mean I didn't form any feelings for her. Her death was hard to swallow but I was still able to function. My life in this messed up world I now call home is still turning. When I had a few chances to go back to my people I couldn't. I saw the way I hurt Bellamy when I choose to stay. I felt like my insides where being ripped apart at the idea of not being around him. That scared me more than I could explain.

My feelings for Bellamy became more apparent each passing day. Staying away from him meant I wouldn't get hurt again. I wouldn't be vulnerable again. My heart wouldn't break into pieces when something wrong happened. He had no idea how much he meant to me. How I would do anything for him. How much I love him. Love, that's what got me into this mess in the first place. Running from my true feelings.

But now I have no choice, between Lexa's death and our pursuit to get Alie out of our people. I have nowhere to run. It's just Bellamy and me together again, co-leaders, partners, and well my best friend. At the end of the day I fell in love with my best friend. What a cliché.

We've been figuring out our plan on how to save my mom and our people. It wasn't going to be easy but nothing here has ever been easy. I lay down on the hard cold ground, as I look up to the night sly. Funny how I use to be looking down wondering what it would be like to see the stars, the moon. There is no book to explain the simple beauty nature holds. Unfortunately that's the only beauty out here, everything else was death.

I hear rustling coming closer as I grip my knife. "Mind if I sit, Princess?" there was that nickname again. I hated it for the most part. But living without Bellamy for as long as I did made me miss this. The nickname, the teasing, the bickering to put it simple I just missed all of it. I released my grip on my knife.

"Yes" I answer back as he takes a seat before lying down next to me. His arm was inches from mine as my heartbeat begins to race. Being this close to him is killing me. Yet he has no clue.

"What's wrong Princess?" I can tell he's smirking he knows I hate that name.

"How are we going to do this Bellamy? How are we going to save everyone this time?" my mind was running wild. At this point I begin to ramble as his hand grabs mine. Suddenly everything that's been worrying me has faded and all I can think about is his hand in mine.

"We are going to fix this, just like we do every time. I promise you Clarke." His voice full of sincerity, but all I could think about is the way my name sounded coming from his moth. We lay there in silence my body betraying me in everyway my head screaming to take my hand out of his, to run and run fast. But I don't instead I lie there holding his hand as we watch the night sky.

Bellamy's POV

She left me. Not once but multiple times. She chooses to leave me, to not come back. I went on the drop ship to be with O, but the minute I laid eyes on her I knew she was it for me. Doesn't matter the countless girls I've slept with just trying to get her out of my head. I even tried a real relationship. Clarke was spoiled, she had everything, she was entitled, but she was always kind, brave, strong, and most of all beautiful. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on.

I never hated her in the beginning; it was more of where she came from. I knew she wasn't the stuck up princess everyone thought she was. She casted out the doubt when she saved me from Dax. I was the monster, yet she needed me but she would never understand how much I needed her. How much I love her. I would walk to the ends of this horrible earth for her. But she left me more then once. If that doesn't show how much I didn't matter to her then I don't know what would.

She was the good to my bad, the peace to my war. She was the princess to my rebel. But looking at her now watching the stars I can see how lost she has become. Loosing everything she cares about, trying to find a way to save our people time and time again. Getting nothing more then the people closest to her hating everything about her.

No one understands what it takes to lead. I always tried to be the bad guy, the one who gets all the blame so she won't bare it. It kills me to see what its been doing to her. She's not the same girl that jumped off the drip ship. The one who tried to find the good in this place, the girl who didn't question herself.

Watching her is like watching a slow motion movie. I've scanned every inch of her body, her blonde strands of hair, those blue eyes that pierce my soul. I knew her every move without us speaking a word. I know her like she is my right arm. That if something happened to her, it would wreck me. Loving her isn't easy by any means. She's difficult, bossy and opinionated, but damn it if I didn't find all those qualities sexy. And given everything I know, she would never in this lifetime or the next love me.

Here I sit watching her, the night sky casting a glow on her skin. As she watches the stars our hands intertwined together. The feelings I get when moments like this happen feel so right but yet here my head screams she left you and she will leave you again.

Clarke's POV

Everything I seem to care about disappears. Even Bellamy has become more and more distant from me since that night. I should be relieved that we aren't close like before. The more I push away the less ill get hurt. Him ignoring me hurts. The more we don't speak the more guilt bubbles up inside for leaving him. I watch him from across the make shift campsite. He's talking with Sinclair a light smile playing on his lips. I can still see the small little scar right above his left upper side lip. The freckles sprinkled across his face.

I couldn't bring myself to count how many times I've imagined running my hands through his curly hair. I feel my heart skip anytime those chocolate brown eyes take a glance over towards me.

"You're wasting your time." Octavia says as she pops a squat by me. I just look at her in shock. I could never imagine loosing Bellamy like she has Lincoln. I understand the hatred she's carrying around and although I don't agree with whom she is directing it towards. I understand the pain.

"He's your brother, Octavia. I understand your hurting but…" she cuts me off.

"Don't. He would still be here if it wasn't for him. He started the war. He killed the love of my life. Don't you understand the pain I relieve every waking moment and every nightmare that comes at night? As far as I'm concerned once we save your people, I'm done." She walks off the hatred spilling over her body. Bellamy starts to come her way.

"Stop" I say as I watch him look at me with anger.

"She shouldn't be out there alone right now." He huffs.

"You know well enough that she can handle her own."

"She's still my sister."

"And she will always be Bell. But the pain she is feeling is something I would never wish upon my worst enemy. She lost a piece of herself. And you played a part in that. Right now you're here, she needs someone to put all that blame on." I watch is eyes turning from anger to regret and sadness.

"If I could I would take it back. I was so pissed at first. They had you, and I couldn't save you. I tried so hard to find you and bring you home. Then I lost the one person who made me forget just for a while. They had you and they took Gina from me so yes I lost my way. I was wrong I was the monster I always knew I would be and have always been. And nothing you can say will change it Clarke. I should have never gone with Pike's plan. But I did and I can't take it back. No matter how many times I wish it." He was holding the tears back as he looks straight ahead into the dark of the night.

All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms. I wanted to tell him I'm sorry for not going back with him the second time. That I shouldn't have stayed with Lexa. I never realized how hard he tried to get me back. I was so lost in this world of self-loathing and hating everything I've become that I didn't realize he was there for me this whole time.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I put my arms around him. "I'm so sorry." I say once more. He puts his arms around my waist as he tightens his hold on me.

"You have nothing to be sorry about Princess."

Bellamy's POV

Holding her felt right. I saw a glimpse of the old Clarke tonight. The one who was brave. Who stood up to me. I rested my head on the top of her head. As I thought back to that day when everything seemed wrong yet right.

 _It was the night she had killed Finn._ _She needed someone and I was the only one who could that night. I found Clarke sitting alone lost in her thoughts. She was crying and all I could think to do was to pull her towards me and just hold her. She cried for hours it seemed like just laying in my arms as I rubbed her back. I wanted this. I wanted to take all her pain away._

"Bellamy" she says just above a whisper as I snap out of my thoughts and back to reality.

"Yes Princess?" she pulls away slightly as she looks up to me.

"I should have come back that day. The day you lost Gina. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. Like you have always been there for me." I searched her blue eyes.

"We all make mistakes Clarke. I've made more than I would like to admit."

"I don't want you to hate me. I know I would hate myself right now. All the things that I have done…" I cut her off.

"We have done. You're not the only one who has pulled that lever, pulled the trigger, or made the tough choices. But I don't and will never hate you Clarke. You mean more to me then you could possibly know."

You know that moment when the world stops, when life feels infinitely better? That moment was when Clarke's lips were on mine. It was slow and soft. I could feel the need in her kiss, the passion, and my whole world was spinning. If there were a heaven this would be it. When she pulled away I could feel the emptiness creeping up again.

"Wow." Was all I could say.

"Yeah." She answered back. We just stood watching each other afraid to move, to go back to reality.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bellamy's POV

"We have to tell Clarke the plan." I say as everyone looks towards me.

"I still hate her but Bellamy is right. She should know. I would have wanted to know." Jasper chimes in. I could hear the pain in his last words.

"You can't be serious" O scoffs before rolling her eyes. "This chip is not Lexa. It's just another AI. I say we fry it and call it a day."

"O, we have to tell her the plan" I say. She cant even look at me.

"I would advise you not to tell her. Because if you do you can forget about saving your people."

"Our people" Raven corrects.

"I'm not Sikuru nor Trikru. I lost the only person who mattered to me." she sneers before walking off. I felt my heart drop, I did this to her. I made her broken inside.

"Hey guys we got to leave now." Clarke begins as she stands next to me. Everyone goes to collect his or her things. Clarke's hand rest on my bicep my whole body gravitates to her. Every time I look at her I'm reminded of that kiss and all I want to do is pull her towards me and make her forget about everything and everyone.

"Are you okay?" she asks her baby blues on me.

"I don't think she will ever forgive me." I could hear the intake, watch how she thought of what to say to me.

"I can't tell you everything will work out, because I don't know. All I know is we have one life, and in this world not a lot of time to live it. All you can do is prove to her that you regret it. Show her how much you love her. But most important Bell, don't ever give up on her."

I watch Octavia put last minute things into the rover. I know Clarke is right, I look to my side at the beautiful girl standing next to me.

"Why are you still here, with me?" I questioned, she shook her head in shock. Her hand moving from my bicep to my cheek, her eyes searching mine.

"You're worth it Bellamy. You mean something to me. Your what has kept me going this whole time… Bellamy I…" she was cut off by the engine of the rover turning over.

Wait, what was she going to say?

Clarkes POV

I almost told Bellamy. I was so close maybe it was for the best. Love is weakness after all. Its been five days since my almost slip up. I could tell Bellamy wants to finish up our conversation but right now I just needed to focus on destroying Alie once and for all.

I just finished putting out the fire as I hear that all to familiar voice. The one that sends tingles up my back.

"Hey Princess let's get a move on." He calls as I quickly kick the last of the dirt onto the dying fire. I run to the rover and jump in bumping shoulders with Bellamy as my whole right side goes up in flames, my cheeks betraying me by showing him how he affects me. He looks me over and smirks knowingly.

We've been running for days with no real plan. There are no more wristbands, and we have such little time left before they find us. I know Octavia wants the chip to destroy it, but I can't let them take the last piece of Lexa.

We split up in groups Octavia and Jasper searching the north and west sides, looking for grounders or our people. Sinclair and raven are setting up camp, Monty is with the rover and Bellamy and I searching the south and east side.

The walk was silent for the start. I was still embarrassed that he caught me blushing. I was running over so many things I could say, so many different conversations.

"What is the one thing you miss about the ark?" he asked.

"Drawing" I blurted out.

"Hmm a modern day Picasso" he smirks.

"What about you?"

"My mom" he answers somberly. I rest my hand on his shoulder as we walk in silence.

"You would be engaged by now planning your fancy wedding to some high on his horse guy" he looks me up and down. "Definitely engaged." That smirk making my legs go weak.

"Oh yeah, what about you? Sexiest bachelor of the ark" I let out, a huge grin covering his face.

"What?" I question.

"You think I'm sexy?" he winks as I roll my eyes.

"I well…I didn't…I was just…" incoherent babbling, awesome Clarke.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"CLARKE, BELLAMY RUN!" I hear raven scream as I look to Bell. He nodded without saying a word knowing exactly what I was thinking. We started running towards them. I see my mom, Jaha and all our people surrounding our group. They lay on the ground with their hands over their heads. Bellamy and I start to army crawl closer. He looks at me letting me know there is no way to save them.

"I know you're out there Clarke" my mom says, "I'm giving you ten minutes to bring me the chip or we will shoot each one of your friends." I watch as she walks around looking through the trees.

"Tick tock" she begins. I look at Bellamy pleading with him. He as trying to be the leader he was in the beginning. Making all the tough choices so I didn't have to. Ten minutes pass as one of the guards steps up to point the gun at raven.

"You disappointed me Raven" Jaha says.

"Times up Clarke" my mother yells, "Say your goodbyes"

"Until we meet again" Raven shouts. I could hear the bravery in her voice. The tears started rolling down my face. I look towards Bellamy and mouth the words _I'm sorry_ before making a run for it. I slam my elbow into the guard's stomach as he falls to the ground.

I hear grunting coming from my left as I see Bellamy knocking a few of our people unconscious. Our little group gets up from the ground as we fight back. We began to get tired and our Alie controlled people get stronger and stronger.

"Clarke the chip" Raven says as my own mother pins me down. I try to get out of her grasp but its too hard. Her strength is unnatural. Anything I do she can't feel.

"Come on Clarke I trained you better. You were supposed to be a leader. Not some little girl who runs away when you're scared. What's wrong Clarke can't handle it. You killed countless innocent people. Daughters, Fathers, Mothers, and Sons."

I screamed trying to get free. Raven I yell as she reaches me "pocket" I say as my mom makes an attempt for it but Bellamy pulls her off me in time for Raven to grab it. I stand up as I look at her.

'I'm sorry Clarke" she warns before I register what she is about to do. I run towards her before Jasper grabs me and pulls me back.

"Monty I need your help" he calls as they both pin me back. I keep trashing trying to get free.

"Don't do this!" I yell. Sinclair rushes to her side as she hands it off to him. Raven, Bellamy and Octavia keep everyone back. It was almost useless but some how they managed to make a barricade so Sinclair can do what he needs to. I started to see sparks as I watch our people step back and surround Jaha and my mom. She gets on her knees looking straight at me, Jaha holding a gun to her head as the rest of our people trained them on us.

" If you don't hand over the chip, she dies." Jaha says eyeing us all. I'm still trying to get free. "Let me go" I sneer trying to kick my way out of their hold.

"I'm sorry Clarke we can't" Octavia says.

"Don't do this Alie. Don't you dare do this." I look Jaha dead in the eyes. He turned his head to the right like someone was talking to him. Alie.

"Bellamy shoot him." I plead. I could see the internal warfare going on inside his head. I know what I just asked of him wasn't fair. That I shouldn't have.

"Clarke I cant. He's innocent; Alie is controlling him. He doesn't know. I cant Clarke I'm so sorry."

"I got it" Sinclair shouted. Bellamy tells me to look at him before I hear the gun shot. The sound ringing through my body, Monty and Jaspers arms going slack. I took off in a sprint for my mom but there was nothing I could do.

"No, no mom wake up I need you to wake up. Please wake up!" the tears streaming down my face. "I cant do this without you, please wake up!" I shake her crying. I couldn't even hear when Sinclair fried the chip, our people falling to the ground in an instant.

"Clarke I'm so sorry. But we need to start getting the chips out." Raven says as I nodded my head. One by one Bellamy turns each person on their side as I make a small incision on the back of their neck. One by one the melted liquid pours out. Sinclair and the rest take over with old rags as they hold it up to their necks until the chip is completely out.

Slowly our people wake up. Recognizing what has happened. They begin to cry and hug one another. I just finished the last of them as I drop the blade and walk off. I just couldn't look at any of them right now.

"Clarke I…" holding my hand up as I cut her off.

"Not now Octavia" walking away I find a place in the woods as I slide down the trunk of the tree. Tears streaming down my face as I punch the ground repeatedly.

"Damn it" I scream sounding like a mangled cat. Then with a big scoop I'm in his arms. Crying into his dirty shirt as his hand works its way from my hair down to my back. My eyes suddenly become heavy before everything goes black.

Bellamy's POV

I didn't think we were going to make it. I knew Clarke wasn't going to back down she was too suborn. Even if it might kill her, she always has to try. I tried like hell to fight them off as I tried to get to her. I needed to get to Clarke. When Jaha had her mother everything became slow motion.

Clarke looked at me desperate. "Bellamy shoot him" her pleading voice just about broke me. I would do anything for her but I knew once everyone had become themselves and Alie was finally gone. That she would have regretted asking me and that guilt would eat her alive. I was trying to find way to tackle him but there was no possible way to make it without being shot.

"Clarke I cant. He's innocent; Alie is controlling him. He doesn't know. I cant Clarke I'm so sorry."

"I got it" Shouts Sinclair.

"Princess look at me!" I shout. She turned to look at me her blues turning dark as the night, tears clouding them. Next thing I know the gun shot rings throughout the forest. I drop my gun as I watch Clarke run to her mother crying for her to wake up. In that moment I was transferred back to the day my mother was floated.

O puts her hand on my shoulder. We watch our people pass out and fall to the cold hard ground. But all I could focus on was my princess broken. Clarke reluctantly began the extraction for the chips. I made sure to be the one to help her. She didn't say anything, it was like she was on autopilot.

Once we were done she dropped her knife and started heading towards the clearing. Octavia tried to talk to her but she didn't want any part of it. I knew she needed me. There was no looks given, it was just something inside me that knew. I've always known. O walks up to me.

"Go to her. No matter what happens, you need to be there for her." She says gripping my hand before letting go. I nodded my head.

I find her on the ground hitting it relentlessly "damn it!" she half cry's half screams. I pull her up into my arms her body slumps into mine as she bawls into my shirt. I began stroking her hair and down to the small of her back as she continues on. I wanted to take her pain away. God I wanted to do something. She finally fell asleep as I held her tightly in my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"I am so sorry princess" I chock before eventually I to fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bellamy's POV

We made camp on our way back to Arcadia. Clarke had stayed a sleep in my arms the entire way before stopping. She woke with a jolt her whole body tensing before realizing she was in my arms, but by then she made her way off my lap and sat across from me refusing to look up. The guilt set in. I didn't save her mom, we all failed her. I've pulled the trigger many times since crash landing here. What made this time so different? Have I really changed or am I'm becoming weak? Everyone began setting up makeshift tents. All of us had to pair up, I looked at Clarke as she stood silently watching the dark space in front of her. What was going on in that head of hers?

"Clarke," I said clearing my throat. She didn't budge, still looking into the darkness. I get ready to place my hands on her shoulders.

"Please don't. I need some space right now Bellamy. I just can't, everything I love has a death sentence." Her voice was weak. I didn't move Instead I stood there next to her watching the dark forest.

"I'm not leaving you Clarke. No matter how much you beg or push me away. I'm not leaving." She turned to look at me those hauntingly blue eyes full of tears.

"Let's go to bed" I suggested as she nods her head yes. She pushes her blonde hair behind both ears as we walk to the tent I set up.

"Raven or Octavia can bunk with you if.." she cut me off with a sharp no.

"Just you and me right?" She questioned.

"Always princess"

She lays down on the cold ground as I lay next to her. I place the unfinished blanket on her before I zip my jacket up.

"Bellamy I really need you to hold me right now." She sucks in a whimper as my heart skips. I cover the space between us as she turns to face me. I wrap my arms around her as she looks up at me pulling me in for a slow kiss. Once again my world stops spinning it's just Clarke and I in this moment. She pulls back my world all of a sudden feels cold and lonely. Loving Clarke is the only thing in my life that has meaning.

"Bellamy we can't do this." My heart sinks.

"Why not?" I ask almost furious.

"Every good thing in my life, every person I have loved has died. Death follows me Bell, it takes and takes to leave me here alone and broken. I can't loose you, I cant live in a world that doesn't have you in it. I love you too much Bellamy." And just like that my heart burst with a fire I never felt before. Clarke loves me. I wipe the tear that is falling down her face my hand moves to the back of her neck as I pull her into me. One soft kiss that builds into that earth shattering moment. Her lips part as our tongues began a dance. I put everything into our kiss the hurt, the love.

"I love you Clarke, with every fiber of my being. When you are gone it feels like I'm drowning. I can't even breathe without you next to me."I kiss her once more the passion igniting my core.

"Bell loving me is a curse."

"Then it's a curse I'm willing to endure."

She shakes her head no as she tries to pull away from me but I won't let her, not this time.

"Come back to me baby." I plead as she wipes her tears and sits up. I follow her as we both sit facing each other hand in hand.

"I love you Clarke" a small smiles begins to form on her face.

"I love you Bellamy" I pull her closer lifting her onto my lap as she straddles me. Our lips finding each other once again. My whole body is radiating heat as she plays with the hem of my shirt. Her fingers brushing along the rim of my pants. I slowly peel her top off her. I place my hand along her shoulder as I move down her arm slowly. Goosebumps begin to form as I move on to her stomach soft yet strong. She was beautiful in more ways then one but this right here l, her vulnerability was absolutely gorgeous. She lifts my shirt over my head as she works her hands up and down my abs. A small smile begins to break her face. "Sexy" she whispers as I chuckle. I lay her down gently as I hover above her taking her all in.

"Good God you are beautiful." I say before meeting her lips again. This is what heaven must feel like. I didn't want to leave this moment as we spent all night wrapped up in each other. Just as we finished I look to see her sleepy blue eyes "I love you" I whisper as she kisses me softly before finally falling a sleep in my arms.

I wake to O nudging me with her foot as she covers her eyes. She dumps my clothes next to me as I began to get dressed. I see her, Raven, and Sinclair waiting for me with wicked smiles.

"We were going to see how Clarke was doing?" Sinclair began

"But you're obviously taking care of her" Raven nudges my arm, as she winks playfully. Octavia just rolls her eyes before turning around and walking off.

"Everyone is getting a little restless, should we start packing up?" Sinclair ask as I nod my head yes

"We will leave in an hour." They both nod their heads and give me a sly smile before I turn back to the tent as I go to lay back down with Clarke she starts to wake turning towards me smiling.

"Hey there"

"Hey" I smile. I didn't think it was possible for her to be anymore beautiful then last night but I was wrong.

"I love you" I say in between kisses.

"I don't think I will ever get use to hearing you say that." She puts both hands on my cheeks as she looks me over in deep thought. Her eyes devouring me as a wicked smile plays on her lips.

"How long do we have before we need to pack up?"

"We have enough time" I answer. She giggles as I pull her into me leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.

"Don't you ever leave me Bellamy." Her words almost haunting.

"Never" was the last words I spoke before taking my shirt off and diving into the blanket with Clarke. Pure Heaven.


End file.
